omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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