Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
