I am puke
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
