Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
