If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
