Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
