i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
