Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
