I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
