How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
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If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
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420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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