I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
