i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm at about main and main street
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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