erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
