go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
