i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
