every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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