I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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