dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
