evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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