mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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