I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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