Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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