oh god the rape fog is back!
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
When did angry sex become our thing?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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