when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
