The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Floor bacon is actually really good
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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