I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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