How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
