I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
