i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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