I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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