just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
