I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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