you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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