Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
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