I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
