she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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