You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
