ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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