3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
my liver is dry heaving
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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