Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
