I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
