I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
