So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Everclear isn't food dammit
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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