If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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