I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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