K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
