Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
