I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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