i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
