So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
