I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I was not drunk enough for that final.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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