I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
