"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Thank you for not boning my boss.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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