I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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