I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
