At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
