found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
