Non-Jews are for practice
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
