he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You smell like stripper and shame
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
