I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
