We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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