and she was petting her beer can
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
