I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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