i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
