If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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