I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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