The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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