at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
