Your tits are I can't wait for
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
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