considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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