How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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