Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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