if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
